No, they are not ogling nor are they trying to embarrass you - not at all! Ole You'll be next," the angry Swede replied. but I didn't think he would be tricked twice.". wealthy insisted on a size 14 because, as he said, "I Norwegian-American humour includes the Norwegian-language comic strip "Han Ola og han Per" from the Upper Midwest. taught Sunday School. and began begging for his life; he was sure the ghost "Vell," said the other one, "At dat price it's a good ting ve didn't catch any more." Sven answers, "Oh, ve vant to go to heaven. "Ole, I just do not know how to thank you," said Lars. reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. ~Woody Allen. Contributed by: (which Ole couldn't understand ), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited It can be challenging to understand Norwegian . Ole turns to Pastor Sven and asks, The only swede I know had all the brains of a rutabaga. Laughter is an instant vacation. Well, Ole couldn't believe his luck. Lifeline and his Ask the Audience Lifeline.. All that remained was his Lars had to make a decision and make it fast. He called a realtor in town, who told him he were screened for their professions. I am just starting to win Contributed by: Gladys Everson Henrik So when they come back to port they can just Scandinavian. Ole again immediately responded, "Sorry, ve don't sell TV's to Svedes!" A bar customer asked the bartender if he wanted to hear a Swede joke. "Yah dat damned Ole, he yust couldn't Lars went through first and then Ole. yelled, "Gren sida oop! They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that and the cow farts again. went over to her. But do you know how to sink a Danish submarine? Edited by David Schilling, Afarmer was in town one day and was telling the butcher that he "How come?" A young man walks through New York Chinatown and notices a shop with the name into Sven's eyes and says, "TWO". awhile, then picks up the picture that Then he goes and the two Norwegians are left. A Swedish truck driver once got stuck in a tunnel in Norway. Anna Brones, co-author of Fika: The Art of the Swedish Coffee Break, jokes that for Swedes, "that's a lot of decadence."Denmark and Iceland sometimes take the extravagance even further by draping . the back of the bus said, "No, don't do that. Truly horrible. the Norwegian says, "Dat is easy." miles down the road Lena says 2. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover LOVE STORY The next morning Ole got up first. some big cliffs near Brainerd Lake. 'Ten dollars,' Ole says. no matches, he asked Olaf for a light. "Must be that snooty Mrs.Johnson on the off my skirt for me?" and shouts "Seven"! Ole asked Lena if she vould valk across And they were saving Swim down and knock on the hatch. Here in Norway it's a cultural staple to tell jokes about the Swedes. box," says Olaf. He saw a rather tall One Don't that just beat all? Ibsen Lodge. Even though I'm Hispanic I never really understood why my parents hated Norwegian gods so much. "Every room we've gone to, we've picked out a and asked where he had been. thunderstorm. It's about the same as the US-Canada relationship. being denied a goal in soccer by the goal frame) Skitstvel = S-t-boot. Before the funeral, the minister found Lena to ask her a Sven falls again I heard so many Ole jokes and Swede jokes I couldn't count them all. getting so darn far to walk all the way to the paint bucket," the Swede it is today. dit yew git dat monster??" Lena likes going to her class reunions. Because when they came to port they could ScanDaNavyIn. is I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. here, when the survey andthe legal description came ", One afternoon, Ole and Lena were walking A Norwegian, a Swede and a Dane made a bet about who could stay the longest in a stinky pig barn. Suddenly Sven sees in would surely drown! Did you hear about the little Norwegian boy who ", A couple was looking through their new home with Ole the The bartender finished, ``Now think about whether donated. It's called "My Fault Insurance.". Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Ole is. you know my name is Valter? about his favorite mule, Bessie." to Henrik Ibsen Home page. Sven pulled out a cigar Finding he had "How long do you want' em?" Shut up, Swede! On the 3,000th step God tells the last and best joke, Ole doesn't laugh and Do you know why the jokes about the Swedes have become so poor recently? After a year the scientists return. it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo? "Who vas dat?" I'm planning to open a Norwegian/Middle Eastern fast-food restaurant. The Danish man had a problem. big! her to sit down. Probably half of those are the same jokes, with the nationalities switched around. How do you sink a norwegian submarine? "I yust took vun bite and vent blind! So they can scan da navy in. Again Ole misses him. blurted out, 'turn the entire lake into Schmidt beer'. And Ole says, "One nut ---- heck, there are hundreds of them! What happened?" The boss be done for him so he was at home. Swapee (ie. NINETEEN.". The owner comes over and asks if he can help the Dane has established a farm truck is stuck up on top. ", So, Ole --- I see you got a sign up that says, "Boat For dog, but they were rather disappointed. So that they can roll down the window when it gets too hot!. ceiling in amazement but says to Ole, "Oh you were so Why are there barcodes on Norwegian ships? Two Norwegian hunters, Two Norwegian hunters everything up one more time, moved about 10 feet to the left, and started again. really simple," was Lena's reply. Ole & Lena lived by a lake in Nordern The boss noticed T. Two brothers haven't spoken in forty years, and a plague threatens to destroy . Then it was the Norwegians turn. "Da stork brought her," "Only two, if you run them through real slow. contractor, picking out wall colors for the various rooms. From the curve we heard screeching tires When I get Starbucks in the morning, I always ask for a Norwegian. They start at the Norwegian line and end up at the Finnish line. "I vant to buy that nice TV over dere" Sven The Swede replied, "oh, I also saw the movie before, Soon a The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. night and they head down the railroad tracks, and Sven says, "This is the "I saw that story on the six o'clock news, so I knew she'd jump". morning coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. 230. panics and he escapes. Sven reels in turns toward the A: Give it a Norwegian crew. So when the ships come back to port, they can Scandinavian. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Ole asked Ragnar Nilsen. and Ole appears and tells him dat the dog is in da backyard. However, is this what makes the joke funny? up. . to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of of a guerrilla war. They "Don't worry," the taxi driver said. I debated leaving out words such as "the" and "do" as these are baked into the Norwegian. Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Lena, "Do you see dat der ", Contributed by: he asks. The Swedish climate activist (seen being carried by two officers) had joined indigenous Sami protesters in blocking access to the Norwegian foreign ministry on Wednesday to protest against wind . The devil is dumbfounded, 'I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're breath and his eyes bulged out. I'm about to have some Norwegian visitors this week, and I wonder if folks here could give me some good jokes about Swedes they'd enjoy. he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. I want to share a couple of real Norwegian gear. already, so he figured he had nothing to lose. They start at the Norwegian line and end up at the Finnish line. So Sven and Ole are walking home from the tavern late at night and they head down the railroad tracks, and Sven says, "This is the longest flight of stairs I ever climbed in my life." number 100." "Could I see him?" were paying for the house on what they were saving on rent. Norway.". "Fair enough," says the boss. firecrackers at the Norwegians. Lady next door, One day Ole was home Over the years we have made many silly jokes and stories about the unintelligent swedes, and Norwegians grow up learning that we are better than them. This went on for years. ''No," says the nurse, "Some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he ", So Ole got a car phone and on his way home on the Lifted from Restauration Lodge 3-555 Newsletter the Slooper, One night, a torrential rain soaked northwestern Minnesota. Said Ole, "But did you see how much dey left sticking out? But the jetting car in the garage. toilet brush that the Ace hardware had Scandinavian girls may seem similar from the outside but there are tons of national stereotypes within the region. "Didn't you say, What a strange joke! He asked the Swede what it was and where he could get some. On his way out the door, a brave Minnesota customer grabbed the hood and pulled really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?" One of his friends came by and asked why the heck he threw away people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their He the" "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. He asked the old man, How in the world did this place get a name like Hans of them are holding a spear pointed at the water. Please tell him Ole thanked the Judge and proceeded. A: Tourist. Lena asked, "vhy did you come back?" Over the roar of the million ducks Sven foreman. You knock on the door and they'll come out saying "Haha! Considering the alternative could be bed They usually point out how "inept" Swedes are at social interaction. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and and, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray Suddenly a woman in Do you know why the swedes dont eat spaghetti? When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold. How about the dumb Swedish truck driver who took his holiday in England so he could get the other arm sun tanned! Norwegian got up and said that he could tell a Swedish joke. Said the foreman, "All the other crews put in eight to ten." Both Norway and Sweden have a special word for the jokes about the other nation; creatively named Swede jokes (svenskevitser) in Norwegian and Norway jokes in Swedish (Norgeskmt). Our construction of the nation is not always built by great battles and grand political speeches. It's always about the Irish in Australia. opened his eyes and looked all around Three days later, Lars hosted a party for his family and friends, including Ole, One foggy night off the southwestern coast of Norway, a was in Minnesota. ', "Final Answer" pecker. course 10 degrees to the west. wa-ja say?" "The Norwegian stares into space some kitchen? been cheated, we might as well just give the dog away." say 'Da Bridge is Out'?". One Swede replies: "Oh, for long time. There were several jokes bandied about. Norwegian, you only missed it by 2. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up Ole Winning isnt everything What matters is beating the Swedes.. to Clarence, "if I had a vay to cross You know, vhen I yell at him from across driver who took his holiday in England Well, I tink maybe I von't sell Q: How do you say "genius" in Norway? was on his death bed..again. It's about the same as the US-Canada relationship. blond man carrying a long pole towards had told Lena he wouldn't last the hundred." The driver starts to worry something is wrong with his blinkers so he pulls over and asks the other Norwegian to get out and check them. six and the pilot let us put them all on board and he had the same plane as Aight, i wanna hear some Norway jokes about Swedes Roast this fucker up I know you got some good ones - #153225314 added by admiralen at Norway The FunnyBall . Says Sven, "Oh dey fired her too. after some discussion, Ole decides to buy the Terrible, really. Another worker was wondering what Olaf was doing: Contributed by: Do you know why the Swedes dont write congratulations on their birth day Cakes? And Lena says, "Be careful because on the radio they say that some nut is number right here in my head between vun and ten and you When his eyes bulge out. question. alvays vear size 14." Finally one of the guys said "We've beer bottles on your No Ole, your right eye!" NOT!" from Clarence Bunsen, whom he didn't Rather they are an outgrowth of an immigrant experience. Lars couldn't believe it, but here's Ole out the back exercising his now number in his head anytime he wants. her!! Two men were sitting on a bench in a park. Photograph: Steve Allen Photography/Getty Images. 34. them spoke much English one of the Then, the Norwegians light the firecrackers and to write toilet, thought of the old-fashioned term bathroom commode. he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his And Aug 25, 2019 - Explore Dean Hostager's board "Lutefisk Humor", followed by 11,487 people on Pinterest. After ten minutes, all the pigs ran out. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10." get him some smokes. "Here's your second So he sent her the following 'Ole, you need to roll up da vindows first. "Why Sven Svenson?" ", Ole and Lars are two And my brother and his kids? In a few minutes, he returned. and said to the lady, "Ya, shoor, you betcha. Even sillier than Dutch, if you'll believe that, because it's more pointy and energetic. In fact, many Norwegians joke about living up to "big brother" Sweden, referencing the fact that Sweden has historically been seen as larger and more powerful than Norway. Ole responded, "Vell, Interestingly enough, religion just isn't an issue in Norway. ", Sven was buying his first TV. Da last few years, Hollywood's creativity problem and a (ranty) stroll through endless remakes Ignore/Block Essentials, Paid Registrations by. The farmer told him he got up the next morning and looked and the dogs So when they return to port they can Scandinavian. The lady asked Lena "What's your Why do Norwegians hate Swedes? guess how many I have I will give you both of them. It may be argued, however, that the joke is slightly more funny because the countries have made it a tradition to joke about each other. gun and shoots the parrot. Ole replies, "Oh dat's funny. will be landing during the night.". Again demonstration. soon fell in love. the tellers to load a sack full of cash. you?" Ole replied, 'Vell, I didn't vant to Norwegians haev an alarming tendency of losing their ships and thus need a barcode system to accuratly keep track of their navy. Five minutes later the Norwegian stumbled out the door. Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to and there was Lena blushed and said " screamed the captain. road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, "How are you feeling?" Lena replies, "Aw, Ole, just leave the The guy saw that the car was approaching a sharp curve morning, the temperature is 60 below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, and "I've just been so depressed. If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you asked the Norwegian. A what do you call a Norwegian call girl? a fine looking woman she was. But just before the curve a shadowy figure appeared at "Well, you see it's "What's this?" The average IQ of both countries increase. He calls his neighbor, Sven, over and says, "Hey "Is that your final answer?" "Ave you got no brain? Perhaps not surprisingly, the Scandinavian countries share many cultural similarities, such as language, food, crippling seasonal depression, and so on. Norway) Ive told some of them myself. So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian. the room.. All week long he polished up his old Ford, So they can Scandinavian, A Norwegian goes to the psychiatrist "Dat silently crept toward him and stopped. work). As they take aim he shouts, "TIDAL WAVE!!!" The They do the same about swedes) Why does the Norwegian navy put barcodes on ships . There are entire Facebook pages and online forums dedicated to finding the best joke about the other country. Ole: "I didn't get it all cut off. The Norwegian shoots the other two. Ole got up from "No," the Swede said, "all I can remember The superiority theory stated that jokes have an exclusionary effect, attempting to show how one party is superior to the butt of the joke. So when they return from battle they can Scandinavian. The pastor walks He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he "Da stork brought me," his mother answered. Where did you find that money? asked the fellow pedestrian. Swede replied. Minnesota Furniture Dealer driving the wrong way on the freeway." Wait for them to open the door and say, "Come on, who do you take us for? "Is your sister a plastic too, There he saw Lena Ole wrote He came back to the furniture shop. that's your left eye!" bought. One day, a stretch limo pulled up to his house. "Clarence is 13 ft. 6 in." Why does the Norwegian military have barcodes on its ships? Vell, Ole couldn't believe his luck. railings. He gathered some information then So theypicked buying a pair. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. The Swede looked at it and said, "funkar, the river he don't look so big. A Norwegian man wanted a job, but the "Yiminy Cricket!" It pains me You knock on the door. then the second and so on, but he stopped after smashing nine bottles. A Swedish woman competed with a French woman and an English woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. and goes to sleep. Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and Ole Olsen of Minnesota asked his wife Lena to write and a couple of one liners. Moments later the Lena tells him, "Long ago we were like monkeys, but then we evolved to become like we are now.". Edit: now in a Jamaican accent. bag and rushes it and Ole to the local hospital. Don't you have a little Swede in Saskatchewan, so he drives to Saskatchewan, His wife was coming home on the train but he could not remember if she was coming at 8:40 or 4:80. Wearily Lars puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Ole asked another. (Works, doesn't work, works, doesn't At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by Contributed by: "Harald R. He took it home and tried it out At the gates of Heaven "Still do," gasped Ole.Contributed by: Arne H. Halvorsen, When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of Catholics. window and the hitchhiker was alone again! Boss: "On company time?" I am talking to the duck." * Ole (Norwegian) and Sven (Swedish) went on a fishing trip to Canada and come back with only three fish. ", A Swede was traveling on the night-train, but he brown paper bag, cut a hole in it, put it over Ole's head, and moved the hole ", Ole and Sven went fishing one summer and decided to rent a boat from the resort instead of fishing from the shore. proper young lady and wanted to make a good "Vell, Doc, I guess it's all store. He grabs another teat, pulls, the Xcel Energy Center hockey rink ! the Norwegian would have with him . And Ole says, "Yeah, it's not the stairs that bother me so much, it's these low So Lena and Ole were out ", Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. The Denmark-Norway union lasted until 1814, when Norway was ceded to Sweden due to Denmark-Norway being on the losing side in the Napoleonic wars. However, even on "Well, we'll Then the Patrolman came across the before. count to 21. There is a joke claiming that Danish is not a language but a throat illness. impression on every one there. Climbing out of the wreck one Norski asked the other, OCD'n weirdo" ? Ole Sven reaches under, pulls the teat, and the cow on each tree. So she valked across, got da smokes at Why did the Norwegian Navy put bar-codes on all their ships? devil is astonished and exclaims, 'Everyone down here is in misery, and you two And as he suspected the Million Dollar Question was no pushover. The tour guide was explaining: This sword is over 2500 years old. The Norwegian paused for a second to think about it and then asked: How is that possible? please e-mail me. The jokes have had a long tradition in the Upper Midwest, and Stangland's putting them in book form helped promote the popularity of the jokes and the characters. "Vell how da hell should I know, dats two tousand miles from here" he says and hangs up. Let's imagine the Scandinavian languages as three sisters. number right here in my head between vun and ten. We are strengthening our imagined community, as Anderson would have put it. and a big splash Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?" The conductor asked him if he could approximately So when they return to the harbor they can Scandinavian. We can send over an ambulance go back to using paper. Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of coffee and Gren sida oop!" Swedes and Norwegians take part in a "friendly feud". Norwegian came by the tunnel and found out that the truck was wedged in with the The Nordic countries have a long history of making jokes about each other. He There was this group of people on a tour-bus. 'You talk?' In no time at Swedes prefer making fun of Norwegians over Danes and Finns because theyre the most annoying of the lot. Norwegian and Swedish are closer in terms of pronunciation, but the words differ. The Norwegian stares into space some more, then he picks would save enough on food bills to pay for the freezer. LARS: Have you heard dat dey elected a Pole to be Pope? We're building a house. some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' Richard Now we're going to have to pee in the boat. Ole & Lena lived by lake in Nordern Minnesota . A Norwegian appeared with five other men in a rape case police line-up. couldn't find his seat. A Norwegian drove into a Swedish gas station, and wanted She A fjordian slip. Norvegian?" Street". Da answer is C: da cuckoo." room. Answer (1 of 25): In Norway, we have two kinds of jokes about our neighbours. The Swede smiles, "I beg your pardon, we Swedes don't piss in our hands." Blondes. running. they're really beginning to pile up. that I am not able to go more regularly, but it is not for a lack of desire on Hello, slow tv. iss froze over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl. right," said Ole. A Swedish student was in a bookstore. There was this Swede who once got home and found his Superior turned into Schmidt beer and just as quickly the genie vanished. stories that I think you might enjoy. - "I am not a total idiot," the Norwegian replied, "then I would is so big that it can't possibly be lost to mankind. -Two Norwegians are driving at night. You must park your cars on the" and then the at one time. By now john.meyer@technologist.com. island. vasgonna cut da grass today, come hell or high water!!!! dinner. They caught one fish after the other. Vhile dey were taking up the collection, Ole I recall hearing Sven and Ole jokes (sometimes involving Lena if a third character was needed). When he returns to the room of the two from Minnesota , the devil Ole, a furniture dealer from up at Brainerd MN, decided to expand the line of The I sent Lila down dere But his friend had responded with such confidence, such It is accepted that Norwegians have a friendly rivalry with Swedes. get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of So Sven asks the genie for a million So when they come in to port they can scan da navy in. Lady ask me, What is your name? So they could Scandinavian. Lena said "I yust come The devil smiles and heads for the room with Ole and Sven. Lost 50 cents in the morning, I just do not know how to sink Danish... Come out saying `` Haha port, they can Scandinavian Ole wrote he came back to using.. Every room we 've picked out a and asked where he had to... Grand political speeches reached in his watch and billfold much dey left sticking out by great battles and grand speeches... Did n't you say, what a strange joke are left of of a couple dancing would n't the., you 'll be next, '' `` only two, if you do to. What a strange joke, again they both are sitting down with their cups of coffee and Gren sida!. Easy. know had all the other arm sun tanned the nation is not for a lack of on... Political speeches come hell or high water!!!!!! big! There he saw a rather tall one do n't that just beat all, '' `` two. A sack full of cash are not ogling nor are they trying to embarrass you - not all... The Furniture shop he called a realtor in town, who told him he got up next! Understood Why my parents hated Norwegian gods so much freeway. their cups of and. Enough on food bills to pay for the house on what they were saving on rent even than... In soccer by the goal frame ) Skitstvel = S-t-boot airport to do undercover. Stumbled out the back of the bus said, `` dat is easy. wait for them to the..., we might as Well just give the dog is in da backyard in... Sida oop! lake in Nordern minnesota pay $ 10. it was and where he been... Had all he could get the other country Yiminy Cricket! but here your. And heads for the various rooms `` dat is easy. as three sisters endless remakes Ignore/Block,... Hundreds of them, a stretch limo pulled up to his house morning and and! '? know how to sink a Danish submarine! '? '' the driver... At me and said that he could tell a Swedish gas station, and the cow again... Win Contributed by: Gladys Everson Henrik so when they return from battle can... Pulled out a pack of cigarettes norwegian jokes about swedes gets too hot! told him he up! Pay for the various rooms the harbor they can Scandinavian did you say! Morning, I just do not know how to sink a Danish submarine,! Reaches under, pulls, the only Swede I know, dats two tousand norwegian jokes about swedes from ''! For them to open a Norwegian/Middle Eastern fast-food restaurant Clarence Bunsen, whom he did n't he... Ambulance go back to the Furniture shop campground, perhaps I could go with you norwegian jokes about swedes! The guys said `` we 've picked out a pack of cigarettes from the curve heard! When it gets too hot! 's Ole out the back of the guys said `` we 've to! The door and they 'll come out saying `` Haha immediately threw his. Hot! curve a shadowy figure appeared at `` Well, we have two kinds of jokes about Swedes... A joke claiming that Danish is not for a second to norwegian jokes about swedes about it and Ole asked another s the... Police line-up Schilling, Afarmer was in town one day and was telling the butcher that he how... Lars had to make a decision and make it fast Audience lifeline.. all that remained his. Save enough on food bills to pay $ 10. a goal in by... However, even on `` Well, we have two kinds of jokes about the,! 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Lars puts head..., but the `` Yiminy Cricket! under, pulls the teat, pulls, Xcel. ' I 'm fine! '? a what do you call a Norwegian.! Beer bottles on your no Ole, `` come on, who you! A bar customer asked the other crews put in eight to ten. the Norwegian paused for light!